


my actions, my motives

by LiveLaughLovex



Series: our definition of perfect [3]
Category: Blue Bloods (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Future, F/M, Post-Season/Series 09
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 14:02:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17982461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiveLaughLovex/pseuds/LiveLaughLovex
Summary: The Jankos aren't like the Reagans. They never will be. But Lena's going to become a grandparent, same as Frank, and Eddie supposes her mother deserves to be let in on that little secret.





	my actions, my motives

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from Katherine Fabrizio's "A Poem From The Good Daughter to the Difficult Mother."

“Are you seriously not going to tell her?” Jamie asked his wife exasperatedly, watching as she moved about their apartment, gathering the things she needed to make it out the door in time to meet Erin before she had to head into work. Apparently, his wife and his sister were going shopping for maternity clothing prior to the start of Eddie’s reduced tour. He had no idea what such a mission entailed, and he really did not want to. He was just relieved he hadn’t been asked to tag along.

“Yes, I am seriously not going to tell her,” Eddie said over her shoulder, searching the couch cushions for the car keys she was sure she’d tossed there at some point the previous evening. “Jamie, my mother has ruined things for me my entire life. I’m not going to give her the chance to ruin _this_. Uh-uh. No way.”

“Well, what if she visits in a few months? Do you really think you’re going to be able to hide it from her? She’s not an idiot,” Jamie reminded his wife pointedly.

“Jamie, my mother’s currently living out her best life at some winery in Florence, being waited on hand and foot by some male model half her age named Lorenzo. I don’t think she’s going to come back _ever_ , let alone in the next seven months.”

“I thought it was Giuseppe,” Jamie commented confusedly, more easily distracted than he would’ve liked to be.

“No, Giuseppe had a wife,” Eddie muttered, finally managing to find her keys. She shoved them into her jacket pocket, then turned to face her husband with a heaving sigh. “Look, I know you don’t like this, but it’s the way things are in my family. If we really care about things, we don’t mention them to each other. Ever.”

“Yeah, I got that when you tried to marry me without ever introducing me to your mother,” Jamie said dryly. “We made it through that, though, didn’t we?”

“No, she spent an hour insulting you and you got over it,” Eddie reminded him. “That’s not the way it’s supposed to work, Jamie. And if my mother can’t accept that what makes me happy isn’t what makes her happy, then I don’t want her anywhere near our children. They deserve so much more than that.”

“They do,” Jamie agreed. “But, Eddie, we can’t always choose our family.”

“No,” Eddie acquiesced. “But we can choose to stop letting them into our lives.” She smiled sadly, then pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. “I’ve got to go. If I don’t leave now, I’ll be late meeting your sister, and you know how she gets.”

“Yeah,” Jamie muttered back, letting go of her hand as she made her way past and out the door.

He sighed once she was gone, shaking his head. He understood that her family wasn’t anything like his. Her father was in prison, her mother was never around; he got it. But he’d meant what he’d said; family was family. He knew that, if she followed through on this plan and didn’t tell her mother, she’d come to regret it.

Still, that wasn’t his decision to make. Sure, it was his baby, but it was her body, her family. He couldn’t make decisions about how to handle such things if her own opinions were so completely opposite her own. So, for now, he’d go along with what his wife wanted and pray she changed her mind before there was an actual baby to speak of, Lena found out from a source not her daughter, and war broke out between mother and daughter.

 

-o-o-o-o-

 

“Your brother wants me to tell my mother I’m pregnant,” Eddie informed her sister-in-law as they made their way into yet another maternity store. So far, there were only a few shirts and a pair of jeans in the bags she carried to speak of. From the determined look on Erin’s face, however, she’d have an entire wardrobe by the time the mall shut its doors.

Erin shot her an incredulous look as she began to look through the dresses hanging on a nearby stand. “You haven’t told Lena yet?”

“No. I haven’t. Why is everyone so amazed by this?” Eddie asked, holding up a shirt and hanging it over her arm when Erin gave an approving nod.

“Well, because she’s your _mother_. When I found out I was pregnant with Nicky, Mom knew before Jack did. I think that’s usually the way it works.” Erin sighed when Eddie simply shrugged. “Why haven’t you told her yet?”

“Do you know what my mother said to me the day I got into Yale?” Eddie asked her sister-in-law, laughing humorlessly when the other woman shook her head. “Yeah, I don’t talk about it much. I got in on a full-ride academic scholarship, all expenses covered for four years. My mother looked me in the eye after I opened that letter and said, ‘Well, it’s no Oxford, but I suppose it’ll have to do.’”

Erin winced at that. “Okay, so maybe she wasn’t the best mother, but that doesn’t mean she won’t be a good grandmother,” she pointed out weakly. “It’s an entirely different experience.”

“I know that. But, I’ll tell you like I told your brother. My parents have spent three decades letting me down every chance they get. It took me about half of that to pick up on it, but now that I know, it’s not exactly like I can unknow. And I don’t want to give them the chance to hurt this kid – or any future ones – the way they hurt me. Some people don’t deserve the chance to rebuild the bridges they have burnt down time and again, Erin.”

“I understand where you’re coming from. But, Eddie, you really need to consider something before you make your final decision about this,” Erin told her seriously.

“Yeah?” Eddie sighed, glancing up from the shirt that’d drawn her attention.

“Are you shutting your mom out for the good of your kids? Or is it for yourself?” Erin smiled sadly when Eddie’s wide eyes met hers. “You know what they say about change, don’t you?”

“No,” Eddie admitted. “What do they say?”

“People only really do it if someone they care about is willing to accept that they _can_.”

 

-o-o-o-o-

 

“Hey,” Jamie greeted her cheerfully when she walked through the door that evening, leaving the soup in the pot on the stove to do its thing. He pressed a kiss to his wife’s cheek and helped her out of her coat. “How, uh, how was shopping with my sister?”

“I’d answer that honestly if you didn’t look so terrified to actually hear about it,” Eddie replied, amused. “How was your day? Did you get to go over to your dad’s, work on the Chevelle?”

“Yeah. We fixed the leak,” he assured her. “She’s good as new.”

“Glad to hear it. What’s, uh, what’s happening here?” she asked, gesturing to the stove. “You making me dinner?”

“You did have a very busy day,” Jamie pointed out with an amused smirk. “You still hate riding a desk?”

“I’m never going to like being stuck behind a desk, Jamie, but it’s what is best for the baby, so I will deal. I’m guessing dinner’s about ready?”

“Yeah, another couple minutes,” Jamie replied. He glanced over at her when she simply nodded. “Hey. Everything all right?”

“She made my childhood miserable,” Eddie murmured, staring off into space.

“I know,” Jamie said back, his own voice softening as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“Nothing I did was ever good enough.” She sniffled, angrily wiping away the stray tear trailing down her cheek. “My happiness mattered less than her reputation.

“I know, sweetheart.” Jamie pressed a kiss to her hairline. “I know.”

“And I don’t think she deserves another chance. I don’t. But that’s not my choice to make.” She drew in a shaky breath and rested one hand on her stomach. “It’s his. And it’s not right for me to take it away from him. So, uh, I’ve got to make a call before we eat, okay?”

Jamie blinked back tears of his own, drawing in a relieved breath. “Okay. I’ll make your plate.”

 “Thanks, babe,” she murmured appreciatively, pressing a kiss to his cheek and then heading down the hall, dialing as she went.

It rang three times before the person on the other end of the line picked up. To her, it felt like three lifetimes.

“Hi, Mom. It’s me. Yeah, Eddie.” She laughed tearfully. “I’ve, uh, I’ve got something to tell you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't planning on writing anything about Lena, but I figured out after writing the last thing, where the Reagans found out about the baby, that I needed to share Eddie's feelings about her own family learning of it. I hope you enjoyed.


End file.
